Enter Positive Psychology: Using the science to cope with life
Relationships are paramount! Find out why.
The happiest people have strong relationships in their lives. http://tinyurl.com/29gseclb
Relationships are paramount to our survival and our well-being http://tinyurl.com/y9k2adt
How to get along with a workplace bully (wish I had read this years ago) http://tinyurl.com/2bsnxt9
Ways and reasons to build resilience- 3 good articles
Is resilience as easy as ABC..DE? Good article on a way of coping with adversity: http://tinyurl.com/24nqpse
What helps when adversity hits? Some good suggestions in this article http://tinyurl.com/yhbtfmz
Resiliency skills for a lifetime of ups and downs. Good article here http://tinyurl.com/26utz7u
More exercises to help leverage your strengths
What are your top 5 character strengths- find out http://tinyurl.com/26ou4me
How are you using your top character strengths- simple exercise to find out http://tinyurl.com/2cnsj4e
Using your strengths in activities you enjoy (and those you hate) http://tinyurl.com/2a286ph
The importance of using our strengths- more evidence
The case for a more balanced approach to clinical assessment which focuses as much on strength as it does on weakness http://tinyurl.com/27gvz5y
Use your strengths–enjoy your job more and be more productive at your job http://tinyurl.com/y9czjcq
Helping children get into a state where they are receptive to learning-using their strengths in school http://tinyurl.com/284t3ss
3 good books on resilience
Good book on building/using resilience in your life: http://tinyurl.com/2a3yswe
This book made a lot of sense to me- cognitive approach to resilience http://tinyurl.com/28×2293
Karen Reivich– an expert in resilience- and hilarious as a teacher. Here’s her book: http://tinyurl.com/2e6gya9
Change is good- 3 articles to help you embrace
Resistant to change? Try mindfulness and curiosity. Great article: http://tinyurl.com/26ex82q
Which stage of change are you in? Ready to go or not even considering? Great article: http://tinyurl.com/22rlulj
Choosing to change: What will have the biggest impact on your life. Great article: http://tinyurl.com/y8k3dl4
Building strong relationships- 3 exercises
Did you say what you meant to say- here’s an easy exercise http://tinyurl.com/292qo43
Don’t be a kill joy- practice active constructive responding with this exercise http://tinyurl.com/2bq5z53
Who do you turn to for support? Here’s an exercise to clarify http://tinyurl.com/2as7wup
Meaning and Purpose at Work: 3 good exercises
Meaning in work vs. meaning at work—there’s a big difference. Try this exercise http://tinyurl.com/24uot85
Do you see opportunities or only limitations in your future? Try this exercise http://tinyurl.com/2chbkdr
Do you have a job, a career, or a calling? Try this exercise for more insight http://tinyurl.com/2beyv74
Build your resilience with these exercises
Do you have these resilience characteristics? Find out-Check out this exercise http://tinyurl.com/2798p6d
Jumping to conclusions and other sink holes. Which of these undermine your resilience http://tinyurl.com/25r3×9o
Some jerk cut you off on the highway- how do you react to this and other adversities. Resilience exercise: http://tinyurl.com/2cuvf75
Where to turn for meaning in your life- a few good resources
Good blog on meaning in life- by Dr. Roy Baumeister: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/cultural-animal/
Money and the meaning of life: article http://tinyurl.com/29ca83q
Excellent website on meaning in life: psychologist Paul Wong http://www.meaning.ca/index.htm
3 links to help you build positive relationships
1. Positive Psychology for new parents: 5 research based tips –love this advice http://tinyurl.com/2fnrowb
2. Work and family- preserving your sanity- good article: http://tinyurl.com/2ah6ge5
3. John Gottman: espected expert on relationships- his website: http://www.gottman.com/
3 exercises to help cure a nagging habit
Got a nagging habit? Take the positive approach to changing. Try these 3 exercises: http://tinyurl.com/2ac5a6p
3 more links providing info on character strengths
Interesting combo of topics: Character strengths and social anxiety http://psychology.gmu.edu/kashdan/index.php
Good follow up tool after taking strengths assessment http://www.positiveleadership.com.au/page/via_cards.html
Using strengths in your coaching practice http://www.coachingtowardhappiness.com/archive/peterson.htm
3 links for info on character strengths
1. Dr. Martin Seligman’s website- good resource for strengths et al http://www.authentichappiness.sas.upenn.edu/Default.aspx
2. Dr. Chris Petersons website- good resource for character strengths and assessment: http://viacharacter.org/
3. Good website for how to apply your character strengths http://tinyurl.com/2b8mrze
3 more plugs for resilience
1. Building resiliency in the US Army- Penn Resiliency Project http://tinyurl.com/y8u24w5
2. Building resiliency in our schools – research findings http://tinyurl.com/2aqcp96
3. A useful resource for parenting positive kids http://tinyurl.com/2e5pp2h
3 plugs for resiliency
Good website for child/teen resiliency- facts and research: http://tinyurl.com/2fobgd9
2. Comprehensive guide to building resilience in children- Dr. Edith Grotberg http://tinyurl.com/2899py4
3. Good resource for building resilience among at-risk children: http://www.nccp.org/publications/pub_389.html
3 more plugs for positive change
9 steps to help you kick a bad habit- from the expert on change: http://tinyurl.com/2g67k34
12 character strengths that play a significant role in the change process http://tinyurl.com/2c27uw5
How many songs can you think of with the title “Change” (without checking itunes!). http://tinyurl.com/2dk7j9k
3 plugs for positive change
1. 4 reasons why change is easier for some than others –what the research says http://tinyurl.com/25kztrl
2. The connection between positive change and goal setting- from an expert http://tinyurl.com/29b2eqq
3. Changing something in your life? Be aware of the 6 stages of change http://tinyurl.com/2b6f987
Who supports you?
I’m still on this kick of wanting more friends (but not actually doing anything about it). One question going through my mind is who do I turn to for support in different aspects of my life? What kind of support do I need? Am I getting enough support from my existing network—or should I reach out to others?
As I think about the various ways in which we all need support, it is generally my husband (and not my friends or extended family) who is there with the extended hand (ok, sometimes it takes a front end loader to lift me up!).
So, who do you turn to for support in these areas:
Appraisal Support: constructive feedback, affirmation and social comparison
Emotional Support: empathy, trust, caring and nurturing
Informational Support: advice, suggestions, solutions
Instrumental Support: tangible aid and service
Spiritual Support: transcendence, source of meaning and purpose in life
Recommended reading:
Harvey, J. H. (2001). Odyssey of the Heart: Close Relationships in the 21st Century. 2nd ed. New York: W.H. Freeman.
Life situation #2: How well do I relate to others?
So I’d like to have more friends in my life. But how well do I relate to others and do I actually enjoy meeting new people? Is the idea of going to a cocktail party where I don’t know anyone—do I view it as an exciting event or dreadful occasion? My sister-in-law is squarely in the former camp (loves parties!) while I’m inclined to think “how soon can I leave”.
I suppose I should look back at my history of relationships.
Attachment theory states that the quality of our childhood relationships with our parents has been determined to have profound implications on our healthy psychological functioning as adults. Research demonstrates that this helps to build a foundation of confidence, trust, and self-efficacy that will serves us over the course of a lifetime. Children with secure relationships tend to grow up to be more compassionate, altruistic, and attuned to the needs of others.
Exercise : How would you describe your relationships
A simple quiz was devised by psychologists Cindy Hazan and Phillip Shaver to understand how you relate to people in your life. Which answer best describes you?
* I find it relatively easy to get close to other people. I am comfortable depending on other people and having them depend on me. I don’t worry about being abandoned or about having someone get too close to me.
* I find it difficult to trust people completely. I am somewhat uncomfortable being close to others. I feel nervous when people start to get too close. Often, I feel like people want me to be more intimate than I feel comfortable being. I find it difficult to allow myself to depend on other people.
* I find that other people are reluctant to get as close as I would like. I often worry that someone I am close to doesn’t really love me or won’t want to stay with me. I want to merge completely with another person, and this sometimes scares people away.
Answer number 1 describes secure relationships
Answer number 2 describes avoidant relationships
Answer number 3 describes ambivalent relationships.
I do find it easy to get close to other people—including my parents when they were alive. So it’s not the quality of the relationships that I’m fussed by, I’d just like to have a few more of them.
How did you answer the question above—describing your relationships? Do you believe it has to do with attachment theory?
Recommended Reading:
Minding the Close Relationship by John H. Harvey and Julia Omarzu
References:
Gottman, J. & DeClaire, J. (2001). The relationship cure: A 5 step guide to strengthening your marriage, family, and friendships. New York: Three Rivers Press.
Gottman, J. & Silver, N. (2000). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country’s Foremost Relationship Expert. New York: Three Rivers Press.
Goleman, D. (2006). Social Intelligence. The Revolutionary New Science of Human Relationships. New York: Bantum Dell.
Harvey, J. H. (2001). Odyssey of the Heart: Close Relationships in the 21st Century. 2nd ed. New York: W.H. Freeman.
Harvey, J.H. & Omarzu, J. (1999). Minding the Close Relationship: A Theory of Relationship Enhancement. New York: Cambridge University Press.
Life situation #1: I want more friends
I have a wonderful marriage, but I’d like more friends . My best friend is my husband. We live together, work together, exercise together, and even do errands with each other. I’m wondering if this is a normal and healthy situation.
Research from positive psychology demonstrates that positive relationships make us happier in the long run. Psychology professors Ed Diener and Martin Seligman have found in their studies that the very happiest people are those in long-term relationships. Their studies also show that married people consistently report higher levels of life-satisfaction than those who are single. In fact, research indicates that people with strong social networks, whether it be through family, friendships, community, or the workplace, tend to live happier, more fulfilling lives. 
So this is what’s bugging me. I don’t have a strong social network. With my family and work (and a few cats and dogs) as the focal point of my life, I haven’t reached out to others—I haven’t built other connections. The question is why?
- Not enough time in my life?
- I am content with my narrow world?
- It takes too much effort to meet new people?
- I don’t relate well to others?
- All of the above?
What about you? Do you have a strong social network? Do your friends contribute to your happiness? I’d love to hear your thoughts on this!
Recommended Reading:
The Relationship Cure by John M. Gottman
References:
Gottman, J. & DeClaire, J. (2001). The relationship cure: A 5 step guide to strengthening your marriage, family, and friendships. New York: Three Rivers Press.
Gottman, J. & Silver, N. (2000). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country’s Foremost Relationship Expert. New York: Three Rivers Press.
Goleman, D. (2006). Social Intelligence. The Revolutionary New Science of Human Relationships. New York: Bantum Dell.
Harvey, J. H. (2001). Odyssey of the Heart: Close Relationships in the 21st Century. 2nd ed. New York: W.H. Freeman.
Harvey, J.H. & Omarzu, J. (1999). Minding the Close Relationship: A Theory of Relationship Enhancement. New York: Cambridge University Press.
Welcome message!
Greetings- and welcome to the launch of my new blog: Enter Positive Psychology. I’ll explain the title in a bit but first let me talk about the purpose behind this blog. I returned to school a few years back to get a masters degree in applied positive psychology, the study of well-being and life satisfaction. The key word here is “applied”. I am not a researcher, nor do I consider myself an academic. My interest in this field has to do with applying the principles – all the “stuff” that has been studied and reported on—in my life. That’s why I went back to school. I want to “kick the tires”- see if and how the theories work. Then I want to pass along these learning’s to others—really anyone who has a similar interest in learning and using positive psychology—either personally or professionally (or both). 
I think I’m a good candidate for the purpose and goals behind this relatively new science. While I have a good life, I also believe that I could be doing more. And, while I’m a generally happy person, I also have my share of ups and downs—mostly minor events with a few upheavals thrown in now and then. But here again, I think I could be happier.
I’d like to be less judgmental
I’d like to express gratitude and forgiveness more genuinely
I would like more quality relationships in my life.
I’d like to improve the relationships that I have- especially with my siblings
I want to continue personal development—learning and experiencing new things- before my brain starts to fizzle.
I’d like an avocation—something outside of work that could really put me into a state of “flow”
I’d like to switch my brain to the off position—and just relax more often than I do.
I’d like to expand my sphere of giving beyond my current nucleus (basically my family).
So this is where positive psychology enters the picture for me (thus helping to explain the title of my blog). Can the theories behind character strengths, positive emotion, engagement, relationships, meaning and purpose – and the other principles of positive psychology—help me accomplish some or all of these things? And in the end, will I be happier? Will I lead a more flourishing life?
Well, that’s what we shall see.
Zippy is happy
